Some of my friends here have posted blogs lately that have really made me think. And yes, those of you who thought you smelled smoke, you probably did. :)

My thoughts this morning are about the power of kindness, especially kind words.

This picture was taken last fall. It's the bouquet my mom sent me when she found out I'd had my photography published for the first time in Nevada Magazine. My mom and I have our issues. For a long time (years) we didn't even talk. I sometimes feel like she's trying to make up for the past by doing nice things for me now. Regardless of the reason, receiving flowers for a photographic accomplishment ... well, it rocks! It really makes you feel like some kind of diva ... someone really important, you know? Well, at least that's how it made me feel.

My father got the same email, announcing my first time being published (I'd sent it out to my Friends list) and he didn't respond. There had been some other email I'd sent, to which he also had not responded, so I sent an inquiring email to make sure he was getting them. He said yes, but he hadn't responded because he didn't think I'd sent any information that warranted a response.

Now, I don't tell you this to praise my mom and bash my father, it's just an illustration. Did I want my father to send me flowers? *laugh* No. Definitely not. I think I might have had a heart attack. :) But would it have "cost" him anything to have sent back an email that said simply, "Congratulations" or something along those lines? Nope. Would it have meant a lot to me? Much as I'd like to say it wouldn't, that'd be a lie. It would have meant a lot.

So, this blog is about the power of a kind word.

It doesn't always take money or a huge scheme to make someone feel good about themselves, you know? It can be as simple, seriously, as a kind word.

That same instance (my first time being published in NV Mag), I got a shock. Some of you know who I mean when I say "Nathan." Those who don't, he's been a friend of mine since about 1996, when I first met and worked with his wife, Christi. They're the ones whose children I've photographed being born and soon after, they were our landlords until this past weekend, and our neighbors, and they are two of my best friends. Consequently, I know both of their sets of parents and much of their families. One day Nathan called me at work and asked me if I was published in NV Mag and I told him yes, I was. After demanding to know why I didn't tell HIM (I'd only sent the email to Christi, I guess), he told me his MOM told him. Soon after, I got this e-mail from her:

"Hi Kippy,
  Just wanted to tell you how much we (Wayne and Mary) enjoyed seeing your picture
in the Nevada  Magazine.  We do get it in the mail but I usually do not pay much attention to it because it started out all about Vegas.  That magazine laid on the table and for some reason I did not throw it away.  Something was telling me, give it another chance, so Sunday AM I sat down in the quiet of the morning with my cup of coffee and started looking through it.  Saw several articles about places in Northern Nevada so just kept reading on and then came to the photo contest.  Was pleasantly surprised to see your name as a WINNER!!!!  Called Nate and asked if that was our Kippy, and he said he had not seen the magazine and you were at their house the day before and he didn't remember you mentioning it, so he would call and ask you.  He sent me your e-mail to him, that is how I got your e-mail address.  I will forward the e-mail with the horse on to my sister in Alabama.  They have a horse ranch and she will enjoy seeing the horse and how well it is photographed.
   I am sure you are enjoying your fame and rightly so!  Keep up the good work we would like to see more of it published.
   Your fans,   Mary and Wayne"

Even now, when I re-read it, I get teary-eyed. It did not cost Mary any money to send this to me. But to refer to me as "our Kippy" and to refer to themselves as "Your fans" ... seriously, not to make a Mastercard joke ... priceless.

Jeremy's mom also requested a copy of the magazine, and proceeded to show it to all of Jeremy's relatives when we were there in October. I'm fairly sure they really couldn't have cared less, but it was so sweet! Unfortunately she seems to wear blinders as to her son's photographic accomplishments, but that's another story for another time.

I guess this all sounds like it centers around my photography, but I guess that's because it's what's fresh on my mind at the moment. But there are so many opportunities to make someone's day better with just words.

It takes only a moment to reach out to someone and tell them that you like their outfit, their accent, their hair, whatever. Really, try it! If you don't say it in a creepy way, I'm betting it will be taken well. :)

And doing stuff like that can have benefits for you, as well. I once sent an email to the corporate hq of my bank, letting them know what an awesome job I thought the tellers of our local branch were doing in handling the holiday rushes - how they remained professional and friendly through it all. To my surprise, that got my local branch a pizza party, and they ALL knew my name the next time I came in. The manager came over to thank me and tell me what happened. It wasn't my intention, but I was glad it happened!

One time when I drove through Starbuck's, they have a random thing where your receipt includes a web address where you can enter a drawing for $1k. I have no clue if people really win those things, haha, but I filled one out one time, and there was the option to include feedback. I made sure to mention the drive-through person who was my fave, and why. One day through the line, she told me her manager had pulled her into his office to talk to her one day ... to congratulate her on getting these positive comments, and what an asset she was. I was really surprised ... I guess someone really does read those things, after all! She bought my coffee that day. :)

Think back to the last time someone paid you an unexpected compliment.  Told you you looked nice, smelled nice, that they appreciated something you did. It is such an amazing feeling, isn't it? It is nice to have your day contain those kinds of surprises as compared to so many often unpleasant surprises. So why not spread it around? It costs you nothing to pay someone a compliment! Obviously it should be genuine, but it's not that hard to come up with something nice to say to/about someone now and again. It's nice to do over the internet, but even better in person, because I feel like we, as a society, are really shying away from human face-to-face contact, and that makes something like a personal compliment mean that much more.

So, that's my request of you for today. Parents, find something unexpected to praise your kids for. Not something you usually praise them for (like doing a chore or whatever) but something completely unexpected like ... "I really like how you treat your friends with so much respect" (and then resist the urge to follow it up with a lecture about how they should treat you the same. haha) or something along those lines. Something unusual. Try to do the same with your significant other. Sometimes you can sit in silence and appreciate something about the person you're with, and you don't say it cuz you think it's something silly or stupid. I say, tell them! Even if it IS silly or stupid, compliments like that are things that stick with people long after they're said, especially if you're not the type of person to dole out comments like that. And try it with a complete stranger. You know, sometimes even just a genuine smile is enough.

Two final thoughts:

I am a big fan of telling people how I feel about them, when I feel it, regardless of the reason or timing. Try it. :) Maybe there's a friend you haven't talked to in a while or maybe even someone you talk with every day. Try sending them a quick email letting them know how much they mean to you, or how much you appreciate their friendship. Maybe include what aspects you appreciate most. Have you ever gotten an e-mail out of the blue like that? It is extremely moving!

And lastly, here's an example of one I got a couple weeks ago. My friend/coworker Caroline sent an email with a subject line of "YOU!!!" - I thought I was in trouble! haha. Instead, here's what it said:

"This is hard to say without sounding like I'm trying to romance you, but when you were leaving just now and I saw you walking down the stairs you looked so skinny!! It's hard for me to notice since I see you all the time, but dang!"

Most of you who know me, know I've been on a weight loss program since last May. Getting an e-mail like this does amazing good.

Reach out and pay someone a compliment. Give it a try! But not just today .. try to incorporate it into your daily routine. My bet is it makes YOU feel much happier, too. :)